Household · lessons in love

Controlling Our Tongues

I am going through a Proverbs 31 study on my own. I have done it several times since I purchased the book about 10 years ago. Each time I go through it, something new jumps out at me. Today was about verse 11…”she brings him good not harm all the days of her life.” The author of the study got into detail of how we, as wives, can “bring harm.” It was more than the typical saying hurtful things or lying to our husbands. She wrote about pushing our husbands to live beyond our financial means by constantly talking about things we wish we had. I do not walk around saying I wish I had a million dollars, but I am extremely guilty of saying things like “we should do _____” or “look, that ______is on sale this week.” I also tend to talk about wanting a patio and going camping and other random and unnecessary objects. Things we don’t need but things I really want and my husband might just get if I talk about them enough. Then I justify the purchase by telling myself “well, he wants to get it.” As if my prodding had nothing to do with it.

What an eye-opener today. The author mentions several things I need to be careful talking about. These things have no place in building up our marriage and will ultimately just build a wall between us:

-burdening him with things I really want but we cannot afford
-gossip about what I read on social media (ugh!)
-trivial things about my day that have no consequence(i stubbed my toe….a waste of breath to report on that)
-complaining about the children
-angry words (that, in turn, put him in an angry mood)
-whining or nagging about something he did or did not do around the house.

All those are things I have a problem with. I always feel the need to unload every bit of info on my husband in the evening. As if he does not have enough going on in his mind.

Two verses that spoke to me today:

Proverbs 19:13
“…A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”

How annoying I must be some days!!

Ephesians 4:29
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Looks like I need to bite my tongue A LOT more!

What I am learning is that God wants to hear everything I worry about or desire or am upset about. My husband is human, too, and he has his own worries and desires. I shouldn’t burden him with every thought that pops into my head. Instead, my goal should be to edify him, make him feel loved, and be submissive. Our home is my job, and blabbing in his ear is a distraction from what my purpose is. I cannot be the wife he needs and wants if I spend every breath grumbling or deceiving to get what I want. AND I am teaching our girls the wrong way to build a marriage.

Time to regroup and build up my wonderful husband! 🙂


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