January’s Journey

I have a baby that almost walks. He just isn’t as ambitious as his big brother, so he is taking his sweet time with letting go of the couch to walk. And he is almost weaned as well. It makes me sad to think about when he will be done nursing completely, and I am soaking up every moment now. We are down to just twice a day, since he now drinks milk from a sippy. That seemed to happen overnight. I am proud of him, but I am sad about how quickly he is learning to be a big boy. Aaaand, it kind of makes me want another baby.

Does that make me sound greedy? Like I need to hoard babies? I just love the baby age so much. The snuggles, the nursing, the bonding. It is as if I forget all the waking up and crying at night and all the poop explosions and the lack of leaving the house for more than two hours without baby. 🙂 And I am ok with forgetting all of that because of all the awesomeness of having a little one around.

Don’t worry, folks. Unless there is a miracle, this mom won’t be having any more children. But, I sure do wish we could have another. (I am certain I said that after each baby, though, so this is nothing new.)

I do NOT want it to seem like I am ungrateful for what I do have. I am so thankful for my five beautiful, healthy children. I love each one of them and love all their differences. I am so content with my children….my heart just loves babies/children and would love to have more. Who knows…maybe some day we can open our home to a foster child. And maybe not. I’m not closing the door on anything though!

So, that’s my January. 🙂

Just kidding. We’ve been so busy with a bunch of little things, I haven’t really sat down to think about babies. Just this week I was thinking, while nursing Ethan, about how much I love babies. Other than that, though, we have been on the go and occupied with so many other things.

Arthur has been so busy, even on his days off. The kids and I have really had a lot of time together without him. That is a positive and a negative! We are used to being without him most of the day, but we miss having his two full days off here at home.

School is going well. I wasn’t going to take MLK day off, but with the snow coming and groceries needing to be done some time this week…we took it off and went out for groceries. It was an awful trip. I’ll admit – I had a huge part in making it awful. I was so grouchy and did NOT want to take kids shopping on a day when everybody else would be out and about. I enjoy our usual weekday morning trips when most everyone else is at work or school. We only went to two stores, but it took so much longer than normal.

And then we made a friend while at Meijer.

Ok, another admission – I was NOT in the mood to stop and chat with a stranger. But her daughter and my girls started talking and being silly. So, we stopped and started talking. Turns out she lives near us and her girl is the same age as Addy. And they live near the horse farm we pass often. We exchanged info, actually, to try and get the girls together again. It was a pleasant surprise and a nice conversation, but I was still so grouchy because it delayed our shopping even more. Ethan started screaming and I had to carry him the rest of the trip. I must’ve looked crazy – baby car seat sitting in the cart with no baby in it. Ethan had his whole snowsuit off. We piled food into the baby seat. Buddy was sitting in the front of the cart, trying to throw things onto the floor. I was trying to steer a very full cart with one hand, while I had my other hand holding Ethan on my hip. I was sweating like I had run a marathon…because I still had my scarf and coat on. It was a mess. WE were a mess.

The shopping got done, and we had frozen pizza for dinner. I was happy not to cook, but I ruined a perfectly good afternoon by grouching about everything. (On a different note, we started shopping at Aldi recently…and I. AM. IN. LOVE. Seriously. But, I’ll share that in another post. And thank you, to my sister, for sharing the wonderfulness of Aldi with me!)

Grouchy pretty much sums up my attitude for most of this month. This year hasn’t started how I had wanted. And for as much as I remind my kids “life isn’t fair”, I am still so far from understanding that. A good friend of ours lost his mother to cancer, just three weeks after finding out she was ill. My sister-in-law’s best friend was killed in an accident last week. We have had more financial issues. It has just been an odd combination of loss that really set me in grouch mode. And I feel angry about it, even though I shouldn’t. God is still God. And He is still in control, no matter how out of control I feel. And I have so much more to be thankful for. And I know financial problems are so far below losing a loved one. And I have to remind myself (sadly) of that often because people are actually hurting. Their hearts ache. And there’s so much more to life than money. Or an unplanned grocery trip. Or perfectly behaved children at the store. Or getting dinner on that table on time every day. Or keeping up with the house cleaning.

In a nutshell…we’ve been busy and I’ve been grouchy. 🙂 But thankfully each day is a chance to start over. Unfortunately we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, so I have to remind myself to use TODAY to love others and leave all the details with God. There is no point complaining about things I cannot change. It just wastes the time I have to love.


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