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On Being Thankful…

The past 24 hours have been CRAZY! And I have been so crabby and ungrateful.

I had a plan to complete ALL of my Christmas shopping by today, so that I didn’t have to worry about getting out and about during the last 4 weeks of this pregnancy.

Yesterday, we had 2 places to go and finish up the shopping. We got to Wal-Mart, the first stop, and while roaming the store my poor little Addy threw up. Ugh. It wasn’t just a bit either; I was pretty grossed out. Iris had to go for help twice (no one came the first time after she told someone about it), and a very understanding employee helped us out. I was disgusted by the number of shoppers that walked by, obviously seeing our situation, said nothing and kept going. Really?! Even if it was disgusting (and it was!), the least they could do was offer to get an employee to help us! I mean, a pregnant woman with 4 little ones and a pile of puke. NO ONE could offer anything?! I was very angry.

We went home and got Addy all situated to rest. The others had lunch and went down for naps. Addy only slept about 20 minutes all afternoon and constantly asked for something to eat and drink. 😦 Poor girl. She had about 3 ounces of ginger ale and one cracker by 4pm…when she threw up again.

Our day was shot; I wasn’t able to finish shopping. I did manage to finish wrapping what we already had. And I was crabby and ungrateful the whole day.

Last night looked promising. Addy had a biscuit with dinner and some Powerade. She was chatty and smiling. BUT, when we tried to put her in bed at 9PM, her tummy let loose again…all over her sheets. So, she spent the night on a mattress (lined with a garbage bag and towels and sheets) in our room. She was able to sleep all night, but I was angry again having to wash her sheets at 9PM.

All I could think about was how we’re not going to be able to be with my family for Thanksgiving. I had such big plans to take all their gifts to my parents’ house and meet my new little nephew. My sister is bringing me more maternity clothes, as well as the newborn boy clothes. I am bringing her a few things for her little one to use. SO MUCH was supposed to be happening, and I was so angry that illness was going to ruin it.

My husband tried to make it better, offering to pick up whatever they were bringing, but I really wanted to just stick with MY plan for this weekend.

This morning, I am much better. Addy woke up with no fever and no puking. No one else has started or complained about not feeling well. Because of yesterday, I actually finished all my laundry early (had to!) and we can just bum around today. If everyone continues to appear healthy, I think we can go tomorrow (instead of leaving tonight as planned) to see my family.

Whenever I try to make plans and obsessively stick with them, God is quick to show me I am not in control. And that’s a good thing…because my obsession to stick with plans means that I am controlling and angry and yelling and not enjoying anything to do with the plans. I didn’t enjoy shopping for gifts at all this year; I made it a chore. I didn’t enjoy or take my time wrapping; I hurried through it, and it’s obvious. I haven’t enjoyed the “magic” of Thanksgiving and the Holidays with my children yet because I’ve been so wrapped up in MY plans. I’ve been hurrying our school days along to get to the things I’ve wanted to do.

I complained a few weeks ago about this time of the year and how we all make a fuss about being thankful during November but don’t do it the rest of the year. And now here I am, complaining about everything and being thankful for nothing.

So, here is my list of thankfulness that I SHOULD HAVE been focusing on. And whether or not we make it to my family’s festivities tomorrow, I know that God is still in control and that we will have what we need when we need it….and maybe I should stop forcing plans on us!

THANKFULNESS:

1. My husband. I treat him badly most of the time, always wanting him to feel sorry for me on my crappy days and dying for him to relieve me in the evenings from the children. He travels at least 2 hours round-trip to work each day, just to provide for us. He doesn’t enjoy his place of employment, and I am constantly trying to change his attitude about it…rather than just love and encourage him.

2. Iris – She is an amazingly talented girl. She loves to sing, dance, draw, and TALK. She does have some very interesting things to say and I often write it off as “kid talk”, when in fact it’s pretty mature of her to notice and discuss a lot of things. She loves to help and to feel wanted. Iris is a great reminder to me to ask for help when I need it and not do it all myself (when I obviously can’t).

3. Lily – A quiet girl, but loud when she wants to be. πŸ™‚ She is very intelligent when it comes to school. She loves to be loved, and she is a very good mother to Buddy.

4. Addy – Our peanut. She is petite but so full of big energy. She is a snuggler and such a Daddy’s girl. πŸ™‚ She tests my patience constantly….I think working on her middle child syndrome! She loves to ask questions. And she loves to sing, also. I enjoy her singing in the car and her beautiful smile.

5. Buddy – A HUGE Momma’s Boy. πŸ™‚ I love that he still likes to snuggle with me in the evening (or any time of the day, really). He sucks his thumb and it’s adorable….even though I should be working on getting him to stop. I love his smile and constant cheerfulness, regardless of what’s going on. His (clearly) boy energy is overwhelming and exhausting most days, but he is such a great addition to 3 girls. πŸ™‚

6. Life inside me. It is impossible to describe how it is to feel life inside of you. I get to experience something my husband never will. Knowing there is a person inside of my belly, someone made from me and Arthur and created uniquely by God, is amazing. I am so excited to meet him and hold him and tell him I love him. There is no greater joy than holding your child, and as this will most likely be my last baby….I am sad but excited to have an extra special bond with him already.

7. God. This should be #1, I know that. πŸ™‚ I am so thankful that God does not give up on me. I am an awful example of a Christian almost every day. I do not give credit to God for a lot of things, and I constantly fail at looking to Him and His plan before my own. I am thankful for salvation, for the personal relationship He allows me to have with Him, for His Sovereignty, for His love and forgiveness, and for His provision.

8. Family. I am so thankful for my extended family. I am so blessed to have been raised in a Christian home, with two parents who loved (and still love) each other. With siblings thatΒ  I got along with (most of the time!). With grandparents close by and numerous cousins close in age to grow up with. The only thing I knew as a child was love and support. I am extremely thankful for the love I have experienced and the church family I knew as well. I was surrounded by great Christian examples from both my blood family and my church family. And I understand not everyone can say that. I took it for granted often, but I am thankful I had it.

9. Friends. We have amazing friends. We are blessed to know a lot of great families and be able to have our children grow up with our amazing friends’ kids. πŸ™‚

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and their families!

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