More of the Beginning

(I continued the story from my previous post into a new post, as it seemed to be getting quite long.)

Now that I was a stay-at-home-mom, I had all these plans about how much fun the girls and I would have. We would take trips to the zoo and parks and have picnic lunches all summer long. I hadn’t really considered how crabby we could all be if we skipped naps or had too much sugar. 🙂

We all adjusted quite well to one income and me being home all the time. I struggled with potty-training my oldest, so we had two in diapers for a while…and that drove me nuts! We spent all winter working on getting her potty-trained but to no avail. I gave up for a while and just enjoyed not yet having to worry about accidents in public. We spent a lot of time at the library for story times, at the mall’s play area, and just having a good time all winter long.

When daughter #2 was nine months old, I became pregnant with Baby #3. I was ecstatic. I loved being a mother and loved being pregnant. I, again, had an enjoyable pregnancy. I did even more reading about labor and the Lamaze method. I was DETERMINED to have this baby naturally, barring any crazy stomach flu episodes. 🙂

My labor for baby #3 was short and I had my breathing down pat. Just 3 1/2 hours after arriving at the hospital, daughter #3 was born (April 2009). I cried the most when she was born because I knew all the pain and had experienced what I considered to be the REAL experience of giving birth. It was amazing and awesome and I am so happy I did it.

Again, we had a nice transition from 2 kids to 3. Daughter #3 was pretty jaundice, so we did have some struggle with that for a few weeks, even having to use the lights on her to help it go away. After that, we were doing great and really learning a lot about ourselves.

For instance, I learned that I could nurse a baby while helping a toddler use the toilet and keeping an eye on dinner in the oven, all while catching up with my sister on the phone. I also learned that I didn’t really need to be completely awake to change a diaper in the middle of the night, as I found many diapers next to the bed and not a single memory of changing a diaper during the night.

My husband learned that he really could function with an hour or two of sleep, even going for long runs at 4:45 in the morning before working a 10+ hour day.

So, we lived as a family of five and talked about that being the end of our days of having babies…until I got that itch again to be pregnant. 🙂

When daughter #3 was about 18 months old, I became pregnant with Baby #4. This time, my pregnancy was exhausting. I tried to maintain the same activities as I did before this pregnancy, but my body was not having it. I was tired by noon, achy every morning, and crabby beyond belief! We endured, though, even sticking mostly to our normal routine the whole pregnancy. I even did grocery shopping with 3 little ones while being 39 weeks pregnant. That’s not recommended – for anyone! I do not know why I strive to push this whole parenting thing to the limit. It’s ridiculous, really!

Baby #4, our first boy, was born May 2011. I worked on my breathing while I was pregnant and really worked on my focal points, so I could have this baby naturally, as well. I figured if I knew I could do it once, I could do it again. Plus, at each of my prenatal visits, the doctors were saying I was measuring average, which was the same for Baby #3. I assumed they’d be about the same size.

NOPE.

My labor for Baby #4 was short. We got to the hospital at 6AM and he was born before 10AM. My breathing and focal points practice paid off, and I was so calm (and even smiling!) during the labor! I was worried about getting tired when I plateaued at 7cm, but I worked to keep my focus and got to 9cm with no problems. I planned for an “average” size baby, since that’s how they described my measurements at my prenatal visits. Baby #3 was 7 pounds 2 ounces, and I imagined this baby would be somewhere near that.

NO, AGAIN.

Just before 10AM, I gave birth to an 8 pound 10 ounce baby boy..naturally. I thought I was going to pass out at the end, but thankfully he came out quickly. I didn’t even have energy to hold him because I was so tired. And I couldn’t even think about enjoying the sight of him when they told me how much he weighed! 🙂 He was perfect, though, and I was so happy to finally see him!

So, this brings us to the present. Here I am, six weeks post partum…and I feel like I’m losing my mind most days. I have another blog, where I shared about my pregnancy, my funny moments as a mom, recipes I’d discovered, and deals on groceries and other things. It felt pretty superficial, that other blog. I still have it because I enjoy writing about those things, but I feel like a different person since I created that blog. I was so on top of my game, with a spotless house, a daily plan for chores and meals and errands, and plans for homeschooling in the Fall.

I realize it’s only been six weeks, so perhaps I’m expecting too much of myself too soon. I just want to be back in our routine and feel like I’ve got it all under control.

Kids are like wild animals…they can smell fear, and they prey on it. When I’m off my game, my girls totally know it and everything goes to crap. They push my buttons and work together to create a royal mess of a day.

I hope to use this blog as a way of getting out my frustration, sharing my joy, expressing my confusion, and exposing my failures. I am in NEED of this blog right now. Being home with a newborn and three girls, aged 2 to 5, can be overwhelming. Correction: It IS overwhelming. I am isolated from other adults most days. There is no encouragement from another mother most of the time; there is only the demand for more from this mom who feels like a lot of the time there is no more to give.

I am exhausted. I am unhappy with my weight and dying to get back into my “normal” clothes. I would give my arm for a 30 minute nap. I don’t want to think about making dinner. And if I hear another child with a stuffy nose (we currently have 3 of them with runny/stuffy noses), I will most likely claw my ear drum out.

Hope you enjoy my posts! 🙂

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