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Pleasantries of Pregnancy: Nervousness

Arthur has been practicing my lamaze breathing with me. Correction: I have been practicing, he has been timing me with his coach-like stopwatch. 🙂 I like that he helps  by timing it. Then, I can work on my focus and relaxation techniques and not have to remember to watch the clock, too.

I have had some crazy dreams lately, some that even make me question if certain events took place in real life or not. It makes me nervous because they feel so real, and I wake up so upset that it’s hard to remember if these things happened or not.

For example, I’ve had dreams about labor and delivery and my health being at risk. It freaks me out, and I start to think maybe there are some issues with my health already that I don’t know about until we get into labor and then something bad happens. I have a hard time NOT thinking about the dreams, and of course my mind takes it to the next level and I start thinking about my own death and being without Arthur and the kids, not making it home from the hospital, finding out I have some awful illness right after giving birth, etc. It’s so frightening in the middle of the night. I try to remember to just stop and pray before I let my thoughts get out of control, but when I’m in the dream it’s so crazy.

I talked to my mom today and found out one of our cousin’s wife has breast cancer. She didn’t know too much detail, but the woman is young – early 40’s maybe. They have a young daughter, too…I don’t think she’s a teenager even, yet. So scary to think about. I cannot imagine what they are going through right now, but then I start thinking about how prevalent cancer is and how many people I know or are related to that have had it or currently have it. Scary.

Of course, I really want this labor and delivery to go well and for everything to remain as perfect as it is. I thought having Addy on jaundice lights for a week was traumatizing; I’ve got NO CLUE what trauma is. I would really prefer to keep it that way. Obviously, God is in control and knows what will happen and to whom. He doesn’t give us more than we can handle with Him. But, like I always say…sometimes I’m afraid to know just how much it is that I can handle. 😦

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